Birds of a Feather

Birds of a feather 

(Or If I could be anything, I would be a vampire)

(Vampyre))

James C Medlen Jr

06/07/25

Scene Zero

It is a little after seven. It is late spring outside. Twilight is on the horizon. James quietly leans back against the old building. He is wearing an old white T-shirt that with an incorporated brand name logo printed across the chest. His ball cap is fading with age and almost matches the old shorts he is wearing. He is playing on his cell phone. A beautiful, middle aged red head walks past him. He looks up and smiles for a moment. He knows he does not have a change with her. He looks back down at his phone. Max slowly descends down the stairs. Max has a big smile on her face. She is almost 25 years older than James. She is wearing a pair of brand new cargo pants and a dark green hoodie.

Max

“Are you going to play on your cell phone all night or what?”

James

Looks up from his cell phone with a depressed smile on his face. “Max! What did you want me to do? Stand around and look like a damn fool?”

Max

Laughs lightly. She gives James a big hug. “Been a while, my dude!”

James nods his head as he opens up his arms to give Max a hug. “I have missed you, buddy.”

Max and James both embrace. The let go of each other and than stare at one another for a brief moment. James looks a little out of place. It is almost as if he is not sure what to do. Max begins to laugh loudly.

Max

“So! What do you want to do?”

James

“Are you hungry at all?”

Max

“What? Do I look fat to you?”

James

Has a confused look on his face. He suddenly burst into laughter. “Damn it! Why must you do this to me all the time?”

Max

Begins to laugh. She nods her head towards the east. “You like burgers, right?”

James

“I don’t eat beef anymore.”

Max

“What? Are you serious?”

James

Nods his head. “ I have not ate beef in almost a year. Just does not taste the same after the D!”

Max

Raises her left eye. “Dick made you not like beef?”

James

Cackles loudly. “I mean the ‘Rona!”

Max

“Ah! Man!” Max snaps her fingers hard. “Damn Covid strikes again! That is a really good burger place. What do you eat?”

James

“Mostly fish.”

Max

“Fish, huh?” Max scratches her head and then snaps her fingers. “Wanna walk to the old seafood restaurant on Rambo? We can drive, but my old lady has the car and I know you are about your car.”

James

“Weird about my car? I just don’t like to drive is all.”

Max

“Oh, yea? You can drive.”

James 

Smiles as shakes his head. “I walked over here. I did not want to use the gas.”

Max

“Dude! You see!” Max smacks James on the back playfully. “How about it? You like that fish place?”

James 

“Seafood restaurant on Rambo? Yea! I love that place. They make a killer bisque!”

Max

Motions to the East. “Should be able to get a table. It is a Thursday night.”

James

“Most places are busy on Thursdays.”

Max

“Dude! Be optimistic” 

James

“I am! I am being honest.”

The two walk in silence for a few moments. Max looks straight ahead with a smile on her face. James looks down at the ground. James looks almost shy and nervous while Max looks happy and optimistic.

Max

Max sighs loudly. “If there is anything you could be, what would you be?”

James

“What do you mean?”

Max

“Anything in the world. I mean you could be a giraffe or a piece of broccoli. You could even be a toilet bowl cleaner. Anything in the world, what would you be?”

James

“Are you serious? This sounds like something out of a preschool or something.”

Max 

Chuckles loudly. “James! C’mon. Quit being so serious! If I could be anything in the world, I would be a dog. I love dogs.”

James

Laughs softly. “I know. Remember that K9 you had?”

Max 

Laughs loudly. “You’re funny, James!”

James

“I thought you would be a tree or something. You love trees.”

Max

“True! I love dogs. Dogs are always happy and everyone loves a dog.”

James

“Could be a happy tree…”

Max

“You are funny, James.”

James

“Not as funny as you.”

Max

Max becomes irritated. “C’mon! What would you be, dude?”

James

Stares off into space for moment. He then smiles. “I would be a vampire.”

Max

“Vampire or vampyre? “

James

“Huh?”

Max

“Vampire with an ire or with a yre.”

James

“What does it matter?”

Max

“Hmm… I guess it really does not matter. You do not appear to be German… Vampyre eh? You afraid of God or something?”

James

“Why would I be afraid of God?”

Max

“Most vampyre are afraid God.”

James

“Are you calling me a vampire with ire or yre?”

Max

“Does it really matter at this point?”

James

Starts to laugh. “Sorry. I just had to fuck with you a little bit. It has been a long time!” He sniffles loudly. “I am not afraid of God. I will be honest with you.”

Max

“Honest about being a vampyre?”

James

Nods his head. “I don’t want to be a vampire because I am afraid of God. Vampires stay out all night and have promiscuous sex with beautiful women.”

Max

“I thought you don’t like that.”

James

“I would if I was a vampire! Vampires can turn into bats and fly throughout the night. Never age. Never gain weight. Never worry about knocking someone up or catching something. Vampires are cool.”

Max

“True. I am glad you are honest about it.”

James

Snorts. “No. I mean, I will be honest. I am not afraid of God. I lost my faith. I am not sure what I believe in anymore.”

Max

“Oh… You don’t believe in God anymore?”

James

Shrugs his shoulders. “It is not that I do not believe in God anymore. I just don’t know what I believe in anymore. All my life I thought God was out there helping me out. My marriage falls apart. Trump gets into office. I don’t enjoy life anymore. I just don’t think God is there for me anymore.

Max

Shakes her head. “Losing your faith is not a bad thing. Religion is man made, you know?”

James

“I don’t know. What I do know is you cannot have freewill and divine intervention. Just does not work.”

Max

“Good point. You are upset you lost your faith?”

James

“Sure. I don’t want to go to Hell, you know?”

Max

Scratches her head. “If you don’t have any faith, then what good is worrying about Hell?”

James

“I don’t know. I mean, I still have thoughts I guess, if that makes sense.”

Max

Stops walking and looks at James. “Remember what I told you when you got divorced?”

James

Stares off to the right for a moment before looking back at Max. “You told me there is someone out there for me.”

Max

“Besides that.”

James

Shakes his head. “I don’t remember, no.”

Max

“You worried about going to Hell because you filed for divorce from Holly. You were so worried about going to Hell. What did I tell you?”

James

“You told me God would never lock me up in a dungeon because I was unhappy.”

Max

“Right! I think God is still there. The way you perceive God is different than how you are told God is. Does that make sense at all?

James

Hesitant for a moment. “I am not sure I do.”

Max

Laughs hard. “You worry too much, you know? God is there. You need to forget this whole religion concept.” Max starts to walk again.

James 

Slowly follows Max. “I wish I had your optimism and did not worry about God.”

Max

“You are worried about religion, not God. Did you know that there are actually 100 commandments?”

James

“100?

Max

“Something like that. Remember, James. None of this is real. It is all an illusion. We are all one divine force. God is in each and every one of us. God wants us to enjoy life. “

James

“I don’t know about that.”

Max

“Don’t know?” Max shakes her head. “For someone who lost their faith you seem to worry about going to Hell and having God punish you.”

James

“It is complicated!”

Max

“No! It isn’t! You in your old way of thinking. Why would God get mad at you for enjoying your life? If you are not hurting anyone, why would God get mad at you?”

James

“Why would God let Trump win the election?”

Max

“Maybe it wasn’t God. You said it yourself. You cannot have divine intervention and freewill. Besides, Trump is only a few years. It will get better.”

James

“I don’t know about that…”

Max

Nods head in agreement. “It is going to be okay, James. I think you need to smoke some weed.” Max sucks on an invisible joint. 

James

Laughs Max off. “I don’t know. How have you been doing?”

Max

“Still don’t have a job and I am not sure where I am going to live.”

James 

Stops and looks at Max in amazement. “Are you serious?”

Max

Keeps walking. “I am serious. I am old. No one wants to hire me. I am not sure what to do about rent. I am three months behind.”

James

Quickly catches up to Max. “You are so calm! Why didn’t you tell me this?

Max

“I don’t like to talk about it. I don’t want to be a hassle or a charity case, you know?”

James

“You are not a hassle! I love you, Max. I could not live in a world without you. You know I got your back, right?”

Max

“ I do, but I also know it is going to be okay. I have faith.” Max laughs. “No pun intended.

James

You have all this shit going on and you are not afraid?”

Max

“Sure. I am afraid. I don’t see any refrigerator boxes lying around.”

James

Chuckles. “Why does that make you afraid?”

Max

“For a lot of reason. I do not see people buying refrigerators anymore and if they do buy ‘em the don’t get the box with ‘em. Where the Hell am I supposed to live if I cannot find a box?”

James

“You can always live with me.”

Max

“I appreciate that. I am not really that worried about it, you know?

James

“No! I don’t know. I don’t get how you are not miserable.”

Max

“It could be worse.”

James

“Worse? What does that mean? You might be homeless.”

Max

“I could be dead.”

James

“Oh.” Thinks for a moment. “How would that be worse?”

Max

“Are you serious?”

James

“What is the point of life if you have nothing? Life is hard as it is. What is the point of life if you are living in the streets hungry and cold?”

Max

“You worry too much, you know?” Max begins to laugh. “Life is wonderful. You look at it wrong.”

The two come up to an old white building that Seafood Restaurant written across it. The parking lot Is fairly desolate with only a few cars. James walks ahead of Max and opens up the door. Max smiles and thanks James as she walks into the restaurant. 

Scene One

The restaurant has an old, creaky floor. It Is well lit, but the tables are small and close together. An older woman greets the two as they walk in. A bell rings off in the distance as a small family of two leave. The savory smell of seafood lingers in the warm restaurant. The two are seated at a small table near the back of the restaurant.

Max

Max picks up an old menu and begins to leaf through it. “What are you going to get?”

James 

Squints his eyes irritably. “I have not even looked at the menu yet!”

Max

Begins to laugh. “I thought you said you have eaten here before?”

James

“What does that matter?” James begins to laugh. “I would still like to know what is on the menu.”